Jacyl m3owZz’s Neighborhood

i've been feeling very down, then pissed with myself, then depressed and of course, no mood to work. wonders if this is a 'weekday syndrome'? SIGHS anw..

im sorry to make this blog so depressed because this seems to be the only(easiest) way for me to organise and vent my thoughts. and because of resorting to these kinds of temporary means, things arent getting better.

i cant talk deeply with anyone i guess.. because there isnt going to be a solution from it either. it is just me, being depressed on my own and only i can get myself out but somehow, when i thought i was climbing out, my foot slipped then i went in again.

so SIGHs.. and yesterday, i had alot of images in my mind. deja vu images that appeared in my dreams before.. but somehow the outcome were not the same. because i changed them? somehow i've trained myself to be so strong that i've built this invisible shield w additional advisor who's always beside to advice me. like, "that person doesnt like you", or "see, they look at you differently" etc.. SIGHs.

weili is sighing.. only by getting up on my feet and exerting some real efforts will i be able to transform this painful feelings within. i dont need any pity or 'compassion'. i just want to be essential at least, not to the extent of indispensible. and in return for someone to think that im reliable as well..

i dunno whats the problem. but i will continue.. this will become my fertilisers huh?

i guess..  there can never be someone, or maybe very little people, in this world who will fall in love with someone by their live chat nick and avatar.

of cuz not just that, it was the communication BEFORE that i had the wrong idea. yes i had the wrong idea cuz its a one-sided love! T___T

i also dunno what happened that we stopped talking like normal. everything was abnormal. talking was difficult. i tried but i guess he doesnt want to respond so lets keep it that way. let life go on like nothing happen.

it is so difficult to try to forget this feeling. maybe, maybe.. i shall stop trying to forget(i am!)_ and then keep this feeling deep inside so nobody will know. i will continue to pray for his happiness. yes i will. and continue to keep this sweet feeling and fond memories inside me.

i know i hasnt been chanting enough 1 hour daimoku to understand myself. and over these few days i have been pondering and reflecting. i know i am not doing enough. so before i ask teacher a question, i must first know what i dun understand about right? :D

and oh, looking at the way i am ignored.. im kinda pretty annoyed. anyway, this is not a shoujo manga and dont think too much oh. DUN THINK TOO MUCH!!

First, we're happy to announce that the team has identified and fixed the issue with the YouTube conduit; you can now find and add videos from YouTube to your library and posts. As always, thanks for your patience!

The other news we have today is about a new addition to the Six Apart family: TypePad Micro, a new free level of TypePad that is streamlined for microblogging. We see a new form of blogging emerging that lives between the quick status updates of Twitter and Facebook and the long-form posts of "classic" blogging; TypePad Micro is designed to meet that need. You can read more about TypePad Micro in Chris Alden's post on the Everything TypePad blog.

TypePad Micro

9 comments

A lot of the new capabilities we've added to TypePad this year were actually inspired by some of the best things about Vox: favoriting, member profiles, a dashboard to follow other bloggers, and easy ways to post content from other social media sites. But the things that make Vox different from TypePad are still there: Vox has always been -- and still is -- the best place for "friends and family" blogging, where you're in control over who sees what. TypePad, on the other hand, is built for the blogger who wants, no, craves, attention.

Do you have a passion or interest you want to share with people beyond your Vox neighborhood? If so, we'd love it if you tried out TypePad Micro. Maybe you've always wanted to start that obsessive blog that's just about waffle restaurants. Or want a place to share videos of your favorite band (Jonas Brothers, anyone? Anyone? ...). TypePad Micro's great for those topic-specific blogs. Take it for a spin and let us know what you think.

On the Vox front, our designers are working on some cool new themes (coming soon!). We'd also love to hear your thoughts about where we should take Vox in the coming year. What are the key things you'd like to see for Vox? If you've had a chance to use TypePad this year, what are the features there that we should bring over to Vox? And, if you're thinking big thoughts, how could we connect the Vox and TypePad communities in order to bring together bloggers and their shared passions? Your feedback is really important to us, so please leave a comment here, or shoot me a message.

And again, thanks for your patience as we found and fixed the YouTube bug!

~ daisy

As many of you have noticed, the YouTube Conduit is not working. I am so sorry about this; I know how frustrating it is.

The team is looking into how to get this fixed and I will update you as soon as I hear something. In the meantime, not all is lost... There is a work-around for posting videos.

When you're in the Compose Screen, just click on "embed." Ignore the fact that it says "Widget" before everything because you can definitely use this to embed videos as well. You'll just need to input the embed code from the video, enter a title (if you want) and hit OK.

It might not show up perfectly in your compose screen, but when you hit "Save," your video should appear just the way you wanted it to.

Hopefully this will allow you to keep posting videos while we figure out what's happening on our end.

As always, thanks for your patience.

~daisy

the concert was over yesterday. it (seemed)ended a victory. but not my personal feelings though. somehow i still feel sad. and LLC. sigh. i know i shldnt be. but is it because im in this state thus everyone was able to achieve this victory? if it is, then i would gladly stay like this. if it meant everyone could breakthru.

i am still feeling sad. because ther was no outlet of any kind of me to release my feelings. i've been suppressing. although i said give up, but why do i still feel so sad? although i know its not possible, why do i still think of it coming true someday in the future? this is so self-deceiving.

i cant put my feelings into words. i dunno how, maybe i dun want to. when i read meows' blog, it brings me to where i was in the past. felt like what i'd have said. but now, i feel that im not part of this at all. not at all when i feel so depressed. :(

when i see their similar feelings and 'LC', somehow i feel a strange feeling within. haha. i am so not myself. mus have been possessed by a mushi. everyone wished to be saved by another, but i am taught that only one can save himself. i am such an unworthy disciple of sensei. Of cuz it is alright to live like this if i am not part of the organisation nor practicing this Buddhism but since i am, it means that i cannot do anything that let myself, people around me, the organisation, and most imptly, my mentor down. what should i do?

if you ask me what happen, even i cannot answer you. because i also dunno why i am feeling like this or if there was any particular event that caused me to be like this. there isnt. because there isnt, i dunno how to answer you. if i were to suffer some illness right now, i'd probably sit and wait for death to come. quite depressing.. sobs.

i feel so useless. haha. and probably nobody will even know because im good at acting. heh. (yup this is the devil speaking..) i've probably been devoured by it.

and probably after typing all these, i still feel suppressed but i cannot say it out. i've no courage. ya thats probably the true me, so cowardly and lousy. looking at the me, how can i be a chapter leader to guide others? haha.. i could've jus tell them that i have no potential. give up on me. yay~ its scary.. how weird i can be. how negative my mind is.

if someone stumbled upon this post, jus ignore. im jus venting some of my inner thoughts. nothing said can pull me up, because u dunno what happen and what kind of person i am. XD

haha.. maybe its what as i guessed. i was quite affected by it, for some unknown reason even to me.

"give up" was what i told myself. i took the courage, devised a so-called clever prayer and seriously chanted about it. no doubt about it, i really felt that i was about to let go..or already has, at least not hung on so desperately.

maybe its a women's 6th sense?(even though i doubt that i have it)

hahahaha.. i feel so dumb. dumb because i've always been lying to myself.

and when i see 'evidence' of it, no matter what kind of truth i have been trying to convince myself with, its no use. i know it. so why dont things jus happen clearcut and obviously so that i can totally give up? why make me hang there? why cant i stop thinking about it and then feeling so miserable?

even though it all a situation i conjured in my mind, please, now let it go away. I'll let it go and live a new life of my own.

it hurts. even though i wish it hadnt. now i know what it feels like. those dramatic scenes from dramas and manga. but unfortunately im not the lead. i'll instead live another drama, all by myself.

Go forth and fill your libraries with media.

Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.

~daisy

I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.

I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.

Cheers,

daisy

好累啊。。我知道我的工作上待遇已经很好。。 那，为什么会那么累？

觉得好像越来越不会表达自己心里的感受了。。

有时为了顺从别人牺牲自己的主见，

有时不想让周围的人感到困扰，

有时更不想让自己变成焦点。

总之，现在我有点分不清什么是对，什么是错了。。

什么时候该为别人付出，什么时候为了不让别人感到厌烦而该做决定呢？

是该做的事情越来越多，

不过，比较像是自己的能力减退了。。（同时记忆力也衰退了。。）

好想把时间停止，就躺在床上好好的睡一觉。。

不然，坐在一角听着永远听不完的好音乐也不错。。

再想下去可能会让我的境崖越拉越低。还有很多事要做所以只能幻想。

可能有这些想法的人也蹁布在世界各地只是对我而言，我很想赶快踏出这个迷惑的感觉。心情很糟，吃多少巧克力也没用。读多少鼓励也没用。听别人试图鼓励我，只会雪上加霜。因为现在的心情是复杂的。没有“因为 。。。所以咯” 只有“可能是 。。。 加上 。。。 还有最近。。。也可能是几年前。。”

最近心里很空虚。 对啦，是感情事。而烦的原因是：只有我一个人烦，不知道为什么烦，到底答案在哪？那一类的。

觉得没谈过恋爱的人比我幸运。经过风风雨雨的人比我幸运。有美满家庭的人比我幸运。自己搬出来住的人比我幸运。

总之，现在我的人生好像被绳子悬吊在半空中。Neither left nor right, neither up nor down.

IM SO LOST!

让我有些刺激一点的事吧。或许如果我只能活到明天，我会勇敢与积极的去做莫些事。

就。。。说到这。